Reason #2

The Cox Triple Date

Have you ever wondered what combat boots, lunches in Lindon, Chinese food, Celtic Women, dead dogs, self-defense lessons and text messaging have in common? The answer is John and Carolyn Cox. If you have had the occasion to see the Coxes meandering around the ward or ward activities (watch out for the water balloons), you may already be filled in on the comings and goings of Brother and Sister Cox. However, in order to stay in harmony with the other postings on this blog, if you have not taken advantage of the multitude of opportunities to get to know the Coxes, now is the time to repent.[1] And we’re presenting you with that chance.

On Saturday June 14, 2008[2] at approximately 5:32 or 6:11 in the post meridiem (meaning the p.m.), the first annual (and maybe the only annual) Cox triple date[3] will debut. If you are so inclined to be one of the elite, invited guests of Shannon or Rachel, the bidding will now commence. Bids[4] are open from Sunday May 25, 2008 through Sunday June 8, 2008. The opportunity to bid is only available to male members of the BYU 74th Ward between the ages of 18 and 38 ½ who are between 5’2” and 7’1”. Results of the bidding will be announced on Monday June 9, 2008. Good Night, and Good Luck![5]


Appendix E
- Brownies. Gourmet Brownies[6] earn two stars.
- Flowers. (White Daisies, Tulips, Gerber Daisies and Roses are strongly encouraged).
- Mixing Banana Bread batter. In addition, greasing the pan, putting the batter in the oven and keeping time will increase your total score by 13.2565%.
- Initiation by Shannon and Rachel into the UFC fan club (Fans of Georges St. Pierre will get special preference.)
- Consistent [7]proposals of marriage.
- Groveling….enough said.
- Hugs that include at least a two-inch elevation. Twirling may award you. . . something.
- Four-hour chick flicks. (Anyone who has the stamina to sit through North and South, Pride and Prejudice, AND Jane Eyre automatically receives 10 points.)
- Near unto but not quite a mad passionate kiss over and over and over for at least an hour. The fruition of a mad passionate kiss will automatically put you in the final round.
- Cleaning the bathtub while watching the Bachelor. No bonus points awarded for commentary on the morals of the Bachelor.
- A serenade outside Shannon or Rachel’s bedroom window. Primary songs or Hymns are not encouraged.
- Knowing the origin of the following quote: “Isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?”
- A trip to the mistletoe in the kitchen…

**Creativity is recommended but not required.

[1] Alma 34:35
[2] This date holds a special place in the hearts of BYU 74th Warders, because this is the date that Casey Sledge and Lisa Gasser are tying the knot. Fret not! We have taken this into consideration, and all accommodations have been made to attend the reception that evening.
[3] Definition of Cox Triple Date (kakstripldejt)---noun 1. An unprecedented opportunity to excurt with John and Carolyn Cox. 2. a. The pairing off into three couples (3 males and 3 females), one of which is John and Carolyn Cox, in order to go on an outing. b. A date with John and Carolyn. Rachel and Shannon and their two lucky associates went to dinner on their Cox Triple Date. ­­­---verb 1. the act of making or having social engagements with John and Carolyn Cox. I can’t go out with you tonight, because I’m Cox triple dating.
[4] Bid for a Cox Triple Date (bidforekakstripldejt)---noun 1. An offer of a price for the opportunity to go with Shannon or Rachel on a Cox Triple Date. 2. a try; attempt to persuade Shannon or Rachel that they want to go with you on a Cox Triple Date. ---bid’der noun. Shannon and Rachel will select the best bids from two lucky 74th Warders of the male gender for the Cox Triple Date. ---verb 1. bid or bade, bidden or bid, bidding. To invite; summon; ask for the permission to go with Shannon or Rachel on a Cox Triple Date. 2. bid, bidding a. To seek; to strive to go with Shannon or Rachel on a Cox Triple Date. b. To offer something as a price in exchange for the honor of going with Shannon or Rachel on a Cox Triple Date. How are you going to bid for a Cox Triple Date?
[5] Please see Appendix E for a list of proven successful methods of bidding on a Cox Triple Date.
[6] Gourmet Brownies (gormejbrauniz)---noun 1. A big fat taste of yumminess in the form of good brownies with a little something extra.
[7] See Logan Bradford for further details.

Reason #145

Logan Bradford

Most other posts have been more specific than just a name of a person, but I really won't narrow this reason into anything more than just Logan's name. In reality, Logan is really more of an experience than just a person. For example, I had the good fortune of seeing Logan preform last weekend at the Centre Street Theatre in the play The Mikado as the minstrel Nanki Poo. The play was really well done, and as it was the first time I've patronized community theatre in many moons, it was a good way to break me back into culture again.

After the show, we all congregated at Elise's apartment to play cards, eat Ritz crackers, and realize the true meaning of hilarity. Over the course of the evening, Logan not only pulled of a stellar performance on stage, but also sang a stirring rendition of my grandfather's favorite song, taught me the true art of playing Nertz, and employed his masterful storytelling skills as he related the time where he escaped arrest twice within a 24hour time period. Truly, Logan is more than a man...he is an experience.

If you haven't experienced Logan yet, you need to repent.

(If you are really bold, ask him for fashion advice)

Reason #551

Ben Wong Playing the Piano

In truth, we have tons of musical talent that add to the awesomeness of the BYU 74th Ward, and I hope there will be more posts similar to this one. But, for right now I just have to say that Ben is one of those reasons why we should all come to church a little early each Sunday morning.

Case and point: when I play piano, you hear Yankee Doodle come to town. But when Ben plays the piano, you can hear Yankee Doodle come to town, take on half the British army, ponder the virtues of democracy, and hear him fall in love with one of the beautiful British double agents only to have their romance shattered by a stunning crescendo at the end of the song. Moral of the story: Ben is a man with mad musical skills.

These skills transfer wonderfully to the hymns he plays in church. You haven't heard anything like catching a few minutes of him playing some prelude/postlude music for a church meeting.

If you don't know Ben yet, or haven't heard him play Praise to the Man, you need to repent.

(Sometimes if we're lucky he will sit down and play right after Elder's Quorum)

Reason #93

Eve Hosford's Brilliance

Just hanging out with Eve for five minutes has the effect of making you both smarter and more fun. I really do think that anybody who finds a way to put her personality into some sort of vitamin supplement will be an overnight multi-millionaire. Seriously, they could call it "Vitamin Eve" and market it to all college students across the world who need to smile more and get better grades on their chemistry tests. Something like that would be worthy of winning at least three Nobel prizes in a row.

In the last month or so, I've played ultimate frisbee, seen Divine Comedy, had an enlightening discussion about language use, ate at IHOP, and created stunning artwork...all with the one and only Eve Hosford. I know the truth of that which I speak.

If you haven't done anything outrageously fun with Eve yet, you need to repent.

(I would recommend asking for a frisbee lesson)

Reason #276

Ray Pickett's Conversational Commentary

Seriously folks, if you haven't engaged with Ray in casual conversation at some point during your membership in the BYU 74th ward, you are no doubt missing out on one of the choicest blessings of being active in the true church.

Just tonight at ward prayer for example, Ray used the term "cross-pollination" in a discussion we were having about theatre arts. How did he accomplish such a feat you ask? Two words: pure genius.

If you haven't gotten to talk to Ray yet, you need to repent.

(By the way Ray, multiple of 12...check!)

Reason #674

Dan Johnston's Mustache

Every time Dan leads the music on Sunday I am now more inclined to sing with a little more gusto and spirit. Anyone who can sport a mustache in all its glory within the virtually concrete grooming parameters of BYU demands my respect and admiration.

When I first commented to him on the famous 'stash,' Dan told me about the cool Spanish play, El Retrato Vivo, that he was doing and I was sold instantly. I've got to be honest though... I secretly just wanted to hear that he and some film majors were creating an underground BYU parody of The Princess Bride and that he was cast as Indigo Montoya. I'm pretty sure they could do it if we found a six-fingered man to play opposite.

If you haven't gotten to know Dan yet, you need to repent.

(I'm sure he will forgive you if you go see his play)